


smoke and liquor (ocean breeze)

by timelessidyll



Category: MYTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Drinking, First Kiss, First Meetings, Fluff, M/M, Slow Burn-ish, Smoking, but not like. dangerously?, like he doesn't immediately fall in love, only rated t cause swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 21:54:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15446685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timelessidyll/pseuds/timelessidyll
Summary: There are certain things that Sangjin doesn't like. Abrupt changes is one of them.The knowledge that Sewoong is here to last creeps up on him, doesn't quite settle in immediately. Perhaps that's why he never really hated it.





	smoke and liquor (ocean breeze)

**Author's Note:**

> myteen deserves this fic and that's the tea, i hope you guys like my direction and plot! concrit is appreciated!

Sangjin liked to pretend he had things figured out. That living in this average apartment while earning an accounting degree was what he wanted from life. That he was going to be happy with a 9-5 job that would set a monotonous routine to his days. Eunsu always gave him a hard time about it, saying that he was lying to himself, but even with his best friend, Sangjin couldn’t let down his front. It was the only way he knew how to protect himself.

  
It started like this. Usually, Sangjin would be alone on his balcony when he would take his break, and he preferred it like that. No one suffered from the effects of secondhand smoke and he got the peace and quiet to contemplate where he’d given up in life. So far, he’d narrowed it down to when he’d his first panic attack on a history project and when he went to his first therapy session for childhood trauma. He didn’t focus on the lump in his throat that tasted like brushed off opportunities and apathy. He’d had enough of that. He doesn’t remember the date, but eventually, he noticed that there was another man who came out when he did on the balcony to the left of him. Except he would always come out with a bottle of liquor instead of cigarettes. Sangjin wasn’t sure how he felt about having a companion, but they didn’t bother each other, so he supposed it was fine. It was always fine.

  
“You know, it’s getting tiring constantly referring to you as “the man” or “the neighbor” in my head. What’s your name?” It took a moment for the man’s attention to shift from the city view to him, but he gave him an amused smile once he had.

  
“Lee Sewoong. Yours?”

  
“Kim Sangjin.”

  
That was that for a long while. Junior year was one of the most stressful things Sangjin had ever experienced, and with it came a rise of anxiety, therapy sessions, and smoke breaks. A rise of smoke breaks had a direct correlation to a rise of seeing Sewoong. Which probably also meant a rise in liver and kidney problems. Which was probably not his problem, and he refused to think of it longer in case he made himself feel guilty, and that was a rabbit hole he didn’t want to fall down again. It was two months after their first conversation when Sangjin initiated another one.

  
He exhaled the smoke in his mouth and watched it swirl away as he flicked the ash from his cigarette with practiced ease. “Why are you out here?” His tone wasn’t accusatory. It was curiosity the cat clawing at him. He wanted to know more about his occasional partner on the balcony, especially when the only thing he knew about him was his name. Sewoong didn't spare him a glance as he took a long drink from the bottle in his hand and leaned back against the railing. “Same as you,” he said cryptically when he finished. “You smoke like you want to forget.” Sangjin brought the cigarette back up to his lips, avoiding the observation's implications. When he snubbed the cigarette out and tossed the remains into the bowl he kept outside for this exact reason, he saw the sunset had already begun. Instead of immediately heading back inside like he usually did, he stuck around to watch it.

  
“This is a first,” Sewoong said. The liquor bottle hung loosely from his hands as he let them hang over the railing. Sangjin raised an eyebrow at that, but he made no move to bring it to Sewoong’s attention. He didn’t care that much if the liquor bottle shattered on the pavement below. “You never stay out after your smoke.”

  
“Everything has a beginning if only you choose to take the chance.” Sewoong snorted because even if they’d never talked before now, he already knew Sangjin was spouting bullshit. A wry smile crossed Sangjin’s face.

  
Today was bad enough that Sangjin considered chain-smoking, something he’d done once before in his freshman year when his incompetent partner had failed to finish his part of their project. Sewoong had never seen him do it, so he was understandably surprised when Sangjin finished his first cigarette and pulled out another. He didn’t ask about it, but Sangjin felt like he might deserve an explanation.

  
“I don’t chain smoke. I’ve only done it once in freshman year, and the taste of ash in my mouth didn’t leave for days.” He considered that sufficient. It actually left Sewoong with more questions than it answered. Questions for another day.

  
“What’s your major?” Sewoong asked out of nowhere in August.

  
“Accounting,” Sangjin mumbled dully, and it didn’t take a detective to figure out how much he hated it. Sewoong took another drink.

  
“Biochem,” he offered. Sangjin hummed and took a drag.

  
“We’re neighbors and yet I’ve never seen you around,” Sewoong started on a colder night in October. They had light jackets on; at this point, it was their unspoken tradition.

  
Sangjin huffed a laugh, almost choking. “I’m always out. I’m only here after 6.”

  
“Ah. I was wondering about that too.”

  
“Now you know.” An exhale. “Is it true that chem majors are always in the labs?”

  
“Not by choice,” Sewoong groaned. “I always call it a day after 5. If I can’t finish it all after the allotted six hours, then I say ‘fuck it’ and push the rest of it off for another day.” Sangjin noticed him take a deeper drink than usual, and then he noticed that he was drinking a bottle of vodka, which was definitely a change from his usual beer or mead. He frowned and leaned on the railing closer to Sewoong.

  
“What’s got you stressed enough to be drinking,” he squinted to read the label, “Pincer Vodka?” He raised an eyebrow at the name. It sounded far too pricey for a college student to afford. Sewoong chuckled drily.

  
“My bitchiest professor had a lab today and I barely made it out with my skin attached. I’ve had enough sober experiences today.”

  
“I would drink to that.”

  
“You don’t drink?”

  
“Nah. Haven’t had the best experience with it. Drunkards at bars, you know.”

  
Sewoong had a habit of speaking before thinking. It made itself known now. “Well, you could always come over. I would say I hold my alcohol well, so you wouldn’t have to deal with drunkards.” Sangjin paused in the middle of bringing the cigarette to his lips. He glanced over at Sewoong, who was looking at him expectantly.

  
“What about a roommate?”

  
“Don’t have one to worry about.”

  
“I’ll think about it.” It was practically a yes, but Sewoong didn’t need to know that. Let there be a little mystery.

  
Sangjin knocked on the door purposefully, although privately he worried that Sewoong would have company and he would be interrupting them. His fears weren’t unfounded, but they were easily dismissed when Sewoong opened the door and smiled kindly at him.

  
“I hope you don’t mind me taking you up on your offer now.”

  
“Not at all. Come in.” Sangjin came in and slipped his shoes off while Sewoong waited at the entrance of the kitchen. “You can make yourself comfortable on the floor or couch, whichever you prefer. Classy or hard?”

  
“Classy. I probably don’t have the tolerance for your hard liquor.” Sewoong gave a short laugh, more out of surprise at Sangjin’s blunt admission.

  
“That’s alright. I have an unopened champagne bottle somewhere.” While Sewoong disappeared to find his bottle, Sangjin found a comfortable position on the floor. He felt like this would result in the least collateral damage should he fall into a drunken daze. Sewoong’s living room was clean, almost sterilely so. The only indication he could see of the fact that it was lived in was the worn-out seats of the couch and books piled high on the shelves. He knew he would feel bad if he did anything to ruin it, so he kept himself still and avoided touching anything. Sewoong came back brandishing an open champagne bottle with two flute glasses, and Sangjin cracked a smile at the childish glee on his face.

  
“I found it,” he sang happily, placing the flutes on the table and filling them with their first glass for the night. “You’ll like this one, I think. Good quality.”

  
“I’ll take your word for it,” Sangjin said and grabbed the glass being handed to him. He looked at it for a moment, looked back up at Sewoong’s face, immortalized in his memory how the setting sun rays and the LED lights contrasted each other on his skin, and downed the glass in one go, struggling not to choke on his drink and the laughter bubbling in his throat. Sewoong was complaining in the background of his thoughts about how that wasn’t the way to drink champagne, but Sangjin cared more about his fond tone as he said it.

  
He got cut off after 5 drinks, something about having downed them all in under an hour, and Sangjin couldn’t help but fall over Sewoong repeatedly as he tried to straighten his thoughts. He was positive, even in his drunken mind, that he was severely blushing, and he kept thinking that cool, mysterious Lee Sewoong was really just a dork who liked parakeets. Sangjin didn’t even know what a fucking parakeet was, but that was one of the few things he remembered from that night. The other was that Sewoong’s drinking was a direct influence of his father, and he never really found a way to shake it off, even though he had tried multiple times to go sober in the past two years. Sangjin remembered nodding sagely, understanding Sewoong’s predicament, and he gave his own reason of why he smoked. Granted, there was no way he would have said any of it sober, but drunk him had always been more emotional than sober him.

  
He talked about the ocean a lot. How much he missed it. College had been so time-consuming and exhausting that he never had the time and energy at once to go. His favorite memories had been of his mother and the ocean. His father could never come. He was always too busy, always absent, always trying to prove he loved Sangjin through meaningless material gifts. Even his younger self wasn’t about that bullshit. He wasn’t sure how much of that he’d told Sewoong, but he had definitely brought up the ocean.

  
His headache the next morning wasn’t that bad. It might have had to do with the fact that Sewoong had made him drink a bottle of water to try and offset the long-term effects. He was back in his own bed, and he thanked every higher power that as a junior he didn’t have morning classes. Even if it wasn’t splitting his head open, a headache was still a pain. He took a few pills, made a bowl of tomato soup for himself to help his stomach, and then he went outside to his balcony hoping to catch Sewoong. He was already there, nursing a cup of coffee. It was still steaming, so Sangjin knew he hadn’t been waiting long.

  
“How do you like it?” It was the mundane things that Sangjin liked to know the most. The small things he could do at any moment to give someone just a little bit of happiness.

  
“Hazelnut creamer and two teaspoons of sugar.” Sangjin stored it away for later. What later, he didn’t know yet.

  
Break had officially started two weeks later; for him at least. This came up when Sewoong had asked about his break weeks.

  
“When does your break end?” Sewoong asked during their mutual musings.

  
“In two weeks. It just started.”

  
The other made a face of sympathy, eyebrows pinching together and mouth pulled into a pout. “That sucks. Only two weeks?”

  
“Why did you ask? And what about your own break?”

  
“Started last week and ends same time as yours. That works though. I heard of a boardwalk festival, and we’re only about five hours away from the coast. You up for it?” As he took in Sewoong’s proposal, Sangjin felt like his lungs had ceased to work. He was breathing but nothing was happening. Eunsu had never tried to do something like this for him; his support had always come differently. Sewoong didn’t seem to wilt when Sangjin took a while to process. It was an honest request; he’d seen the sorrow in Sangjin’s face and movements when he talked about the ocean.

  
“Sure,” he finally managed around choked breaths. Sewoong smiled proudly and Sangjin felt his heart follow in his lungs’ footsteps.

  
“Give me your number and I’ll text you the details so that you have them in one spot.”

  
It was Sunday at 7 in the morning and Sangjin was already up and showered. He had a suitcase packed with enough clothes to last him their two-day stay and enough excitement to power his apartment. Or at least his toaster. He bolted out of his apartment the moment he heard the knock at the door, grabbing Sewoong’s hand while a giddy balloon swelled up in his chest. This was happening. This was really happening. Sewoong was taking him to the ocean. They put their luggage in the back of his white 2015 Ford Explorer and they were off.

  
The ride there was spent in relative silence, not for lack of things to talk about. Sangjin just spent more time staring at the passing towns and landscape, taking more pictures than he probably knew what to do with, and Sewoong was content to let him do that. This trip was for Sangjin after all, so he would let him take the lead. Sangjin occasionally shook his shoulder slightly to ask him a few questions about the festival or ask whether he liked the picture Sangjin took. He was startlingly good.

  
“Where did you learn to take pictures like that?” Sangjin blushed unintentionally at the awe in Sewoong’s voice.

  
“My mom was always big on taking pictures as mementos. I guess I just picked it up from her.”

  
“You look happy doing it,” Sewoong added softly, and even though his eyes were still on the road, Sangjin could almost have imagined the look in Sewoong’s eyes if he’d been looking his way. He didn’t know why it made him feel so flustered.

  
Maybe he did. He didn’t want to think about it.

  
They made it there at 1 in the afternoon after a few breaks, including one for lunch. Sangjin had intentionally swiped a line of ranch across Sewoong’s cheek which almost led to him getting ketchup all over his hair. Sewoong had his wrists pinned and him gasping for breath from how hard he was laughing. He’d gotten out of it by pleading for mercy, and somehow Sewoong had easily accepted it. Now, Sangjin was standing with his toes stuffed into the sand and his face out to the ocean, just a few feet from the tide line. The moment the car had stopped, he’d jumped out and sprinted to stand on the beach. It was oddly uncrowded, probably from how far it was from the hotels and general vicinity of the festival and town.

  
His emotions welled up in his chest, clogging his throat and making it so hard to breathe, and Sangjin hated the instinctual reaction to repress his tears because he just wanted this one moment. The last time he’d been on the beach, he’d been eleven. His mom had still been alive. His dad had still made an effort despite how little it had meant. He was still emotionally stable and he still saw a point in following his dreams. Now he was back with a dead mother, absent father, anxiety and mild depression and no hope for his future. He didn’t realize he’d started shaking until Sewoong came up behind and gave him a hug.

  
“Are you okay?” he murmured, leaning close to the shell of Sangjin’s ear as he rubbed steady strokes over the shirt on his skin. They were the only ones in sight.

  
“I want to be,” Sangjin croaked, voice cracking from the pressure he felt.

  
“I believe you’ll make it.” A much-needed reassurance.

  
The first thing they did when they entered the festival was check out the activities at the end of the dock. There were boat rides, water skis, parasailing, and a variety of boardwalk games. Sangjin felt a little more subdued now, although no less excited at the prospect of playing games, regardless of how rigged he knew they were. Sewoong let him have his fun, following his winding path through the back of the festival with little complaint. He even offered his help with a few of the more difficult games that Sangjin couldn't quite figure out the trick behind.

  
"You have to aim for the bottom pins, not the middle," Sewoong whispered into his ear, pressed against Sangjin's side. He blamed the accompanying shiver on the cold ocean breeze.

  
"If you know so much, why don't you play instead?" he snarked, but took the advice anyway. The next throw sent four pins falling, leaving two behind side by side. Sewoong's laugh was clear as the sky above him.

  
"Because I don't have the physical capabilities for it." Sangjin threw his second ball and knocked both of them down.

  
"What makes you think I'm different?" He picked up a small, teal-colored bear plush and hugged it to his chest protectively as they walked away.

  
"Well, you've won three whole plushies out of seven games, which is better than my track record of zero no matter how many games I play."

  
"You got me there," Sangjin chuckled, handing a black and purple snake plush to him. "I go to the gym too." Sewoong lifted an eyebrow.

  
"Huh, that explains some of the other things. Why you have so much lean muscle for one."

  
"For a while, I was into dance. Only lasted about three years, not nearly enough time for me to be good at it, but enough that I miss it. I started going to the gym to make up for it, which wasn't quite so girly in my dad's eyes. Despite never being there, he sure had a lot of opinions about how I lived." Sangjin's tone had turned bitter, and it was easy for Sewoong to hear it.

  
"Sounds like your father is an asshole who doesn't deserve your time of day. Are you afraid of heights?" Sangjin frowned at him, but as his gaze followed Sewoong's, it made sense why he asked.

  
"Not at all."

  
The view from the Ferris wheel as the pink sunset spread from the ocean to the shore was nothing short of breathtaking. That had been happening a lot lately, but he liked being made breathless by the view. It was the same reaction to a more positive situation. They sat on opposite sides of the carriage, both turned to the ocean to watch the sunset progress from pink to orange to purple. Sangjin suddenly felt an overwhelming need to thank Sewoong for bringing him here.

  
"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself," Sewoong said before Sangjin could string his thoughts in a comprehensible sentence. He blinked in surprise. "You've been looking more and more worn-out these past few months." Eunsu had been trying to get him to take a break for ages. "You didn't look as happy."

  
Sewoong's eyes stared at him now, and Sangjin was rooted in place. "You hate accounting but you still try to get that degree. Why?"

  
"After my mother's death," Sangjin found himself explaining, "my father was my only guardian. He's a businessman, always traveling, and he wanted me to get a business degree and follow in his footsteps. Accounting seemed the easiest way to do."

  
"Ditch accounting," Sewoong said, tone firm and serious. Sangjin's eyes snapped up from where they were looking at his clasped hands to look at Sewoong. "You hate it, it's a reminder of how much your father is controlling you, and it's boring as shit anyway," he declared and despite himself, Sangjin found a smile making its way onto his face.

  
"How would you know that's boring?"

  
"It's just numbers, right? Math is boring." This time, a pained laugh got pulled out his throat.

  
"Can't argue with that." The fell into silence again as Sangjin ran the words over and over in his head. He did hate everything about his accounting degree, and he wished he could switch his major entirely. But he'd spent so long on the same track that he didn't have a clue what else he wanted to do.

  
"What would I switch to?"

  
"Your photographs are impressive. A photography degree shouldn't be a waste."

  
"Another four whole years," Sangjin mused, looking back out at the ocean. The ride was almost over.

  
"Three and a half if you take summer courses. But you don't have to. This is just an idea. A thought. I don't think you should live like this for the rest of your life."

  
'I don't want to either,' Sangjin thought as they got off.

  
The spend the second day leisurely. They ate more festival food than yesterday, taking in all the different varieties of fish, shrimp, and other seafood like octopus and lobster. The over-flowingly sweet festival desserts were Sangjin's personal favorite to try, although Sewoong gave up on it the third booth in. After they spent the morning eating and walking around, they found a spot on the beach to relax. Sangjin spent a lot of time around the rocks, watching the sea life in the tide pools.

  
He took a lot of pictures. Pictures of everything. Of the sunsets, the Ferris wheel, the boardwalk, the game booths, the ocean, the tide line, the tide pools, Sewoong. There were a lot of pictures of Sewoong. Candids and poses and aesthetics, because Sewoong turned out to be his favorite subject to capture. Sangjin finally allowed himself to think that maybe he was starting to love Sewoong. Maybe.

  
When they arrived back home, they separated to unpack and resettle in their respective routines. Which obviously included meeting on the balcony to share their own destructive habits. It was ingrained in them now.

  
Sangjin didn't realize how much Sewoong meant to him until he made it through a whole cigarette without the elder showing up with a liquor bottle in hand. He flicked it out of his hand and into the bowl like always, with distinctly less company, and fished out his phone to send a text to him asking where he was. His reply was an hour late, and apparently, he'd had a lab essay that had to be turned in by 8:30 or it was marked as unattempted. Sangjin didn't blame him, but there was an emptiness in not seeing Sewoong at their usual time of day.

  
It's December. December meant cold temperatures day and night, fewer days on the balcony, and final exams. His accounting exams had been presentations, the only thing that he thought was worthwhile about the course, and he'd had a few traditional tests, but all that Sangjin cared about was the fact that he was done. He's already texted Sewoong to see if he would rather spend their routine indoors or on the balcony as usual. A quick text of 'indoors' in all caps had him giggling, and he sent one back saying that he could come over at any time. Sangjin set up their blankets and pillows to host their movie marathon, a much better alternative to not only freezing their asses off outside but also inhaling a steady stream of ash and smoke. No liquor, no cigarettes, just them, a movie, snacks, and comfortable blankets.

  
Sewoong came tumbling through his unlocked door while mumbling swears under his breath about his bitchy professor, lab reports, and different chemical names his mind glossed over. His laughter at Sewoong's plight became high pitched from surprise when he was jumped on, and they wrestled each other by virtue of Sewoong's attack. It didn't last long; biochem majors didn't exactly have a lot of time to hit the gym. Sangjin pinned Sewoong under him with his knees around the other's waist, one arm above his head and one at his side. Sewoong was shaking, breathlessly laughing, and Sangjin couldn't stop watching him, practically holding his breath because Sewoong was too beautiful for him to fully comprehend. He hesitated a moment too long to get off, but if Sewoong noticed, he didn't say anything about it.

  
They were watching Kimi No Na Wa again because Sangjin always gave in to Sewoong. He was sure that at this point, he knew the movie by heart. So he stopped watching it and took to watching Sewoong instead. The blue palette of the movie washed over his face like the ocean, sending parts of him into shadow while the eyes and lips remained on the surface. He wanted to drown in him, to drown in his touch. It was such a selfish want that Sangjin almost considered pulling away at the last moment, just as he gathered the courage. Sewoong caught sight of him when his hesitation jolted the bowl of popcorn between them. He raised an eyebrow in confusion, lips quirked in concern.

  
"Everything okay?"

  
"Tell me if this is okay," was all Sangjin said in reply before he leaned forward, just the slightest bit. Sewoong mirrored his actions until they were close enough that Sangjin felt the feathery brush of their lips.

  
"More than okay." That was all Sangjin needed. He dove in, and it was a shock when Sewoong's lips burned. It was a shock because Sewoong was an ocean and yet his touch was a wildfire, and Sangjin couldn't help but crave it. He kissed him harder, pushing him back until he was lying down on the couch, and one of his hands found their way into Sewoong's hair, entangling the strands with his fingers. Sewoong's fingers danced along Sangjin's waist, burning their trail into his skin, and he finally stopped bruising their lips to take a much-needed breath. He could almost taste the liquor in the back of his throat, like that little piece of Sewoong would never leave him alone. He never wanted it to. He took it in for a second: Sewoong's swollen lips, his heavy breathing, the soft music from the movie in the background, and suddenly Sangjin felt like crying. Sewoong saw his change in expression and his own face softened. He brought up his hands and used his thumbs to wipe away the tear tracks beginning to carve themselves into his face.

  
"It's alright. You can cry." You can cry. So Sangjin did. He cried into Sewoong's shoulder for as long as he had to, until he finally had gotten through every shitty thing that had been dragging him down since he entered high school and started repressing every single emotion he had, when he started pretending that everything was fine. Nothing was fine, and Sangjin finally let it out into the open. He only remembered Sewoong stroking his hair throughout it all, a steady anchor to cling to when he felt like he was getting swept away by the rip currents.

  
When he woke up the next morning, groggy and disoriented, he couldn't describe the crushing disappointment that Sewoong wasn't with him. It was almost enough to make him want to stay in bed the whole rest of the day, but he remembered his last exam was today, and he'd made it this far, so he might as well. He rubbed a hand against his puffy eyes, trying to forget how gentle Sewoong's hands had been, and since they were closed, he almost missed the note taped to his door. When he did catch sight of it, he ripped it off with lightning speed, hurriedly reading the scrawling handwriting.

 

_Sangjin,_

_  
_ _I had a noon exam to prep for, and it was around 10:30 when I left. I didn't want to wake you up because you had a rough night, so I'm sorry I had to leave a note. I made you some food though; there's a pot of tomato soup on the stove for you to warm up. It was kind of the only thing I could find in your fridge. I think some grocery shopping is in order._ _  
_ _  
_ _Love,_  
Sewoong

  
He wondered absently while clutching the note to his chest how someone who spent so much time writing had such awful handwriting.

  
"When you said grocery shopping was in order, I didn't think you meant both of us had to go," Sangjin said as they walked through the store.

  
"I have nightmares about your kitchen, honestly. I couldn't risk it." Sewoong picked up a pomegranate and gazed at it critically, searching for rotting and ripeness. Sangjin had no clue how he came to the conclusion that it was satisfactory, but he accepted it when Sewoong placed it in the basket. "Come on, we need to get you some vegetables and oranges."  Sangjin decided to grab the bag of oranges while Sewoong found some cabbage, carrots, and potatoes.

  
"Do you usually eat this healthy?" Sangjin asked, eyeing the whole grain bread and fresh produce with more than a little surprise.

  
"I've dabbled in almost every form of health medicine. One time we did a dissection of diseased organs to get a first-hand look at how the diseases affect our body and I've been limiting my intake of manufactured products since. The tomato soup I made for you was cooked from scratch." Sangjin was impressed.

  
"Even I don't eat healthy to this extent," he said, and Sewoong snorted.

  
"Neither do I obviously. Have you forgotten that I literally drink a week's worth of liquor shots with you in a night?"

  
"That's an outlier and should not be considered." Sewoong whacked him on the side of his head with an open coupon book, a smile threatening to break across his face.

 

"Get your math shit out of here."

  
The first semester of senior year started, rolled through like a blizzard. Christmas and New Year's had been a quiet affair between them. Sangjin had gotten Eunsu a gift basket that he'd put together himself with a new album CD, a lavender scented hand lotion, and a sweater with mom written on it with sequins. He'd gotten a punch in the arm for that last one. For Sewoong, he'd done something a little more hands on. He'd made a compilation of their memories through physical objects. A red carnation bud from their first date, a shell from the beach, all the way back to a movie ticket stub from their first meeting away from the balcony. In return, Sewoong had given him a series of pictures painted on rocks and shells he'd collected on the beach as a joint Christmas and birthday present. Some of the pictures were of the Ferris wheel, a starfish, a crab, and the seagull that Sangjin remembered tried to steal his fritters. It wasn't an amazing display of artistry, but Sangjin put it on his mantle all the same.

  
It was Sewoong's birthday today, and the first thing Sangjin did after waking up and running through his morning routine was rush over to the balcony and knock on Sewoong's window. He came out a little sleepy, clearly unused to being up so early, but he was dressed and showered, so Sangjin didn't mind.

  
"Happy Birthday!" he crowed and shoved his neatly wrapped present at Sewoong, who fumbled a little with it before he had it securely in his hands. "You're gonna love this."

  
Sewoong stifled a yawn behind his mouth as he spoke. "I hope so, I didn't wake up this early for no reason." Sangjin bounced on the balls of his feet while waiting for Sewoong to tear through the wrapping paper. When he got to the gift, Sewoong abruptly stopped. He glanced up at Sangjin, who nodded him on eagerly, and delicately opened the scrapbook. It didn't have a title, only a picture of him on the cover, his back to the camera as he stood in front of the endless ocean. Inside were the pictures Sangjin had taken on their trip. Almost every page had a picture of Sewoong on it, surrounded by the general beach theme. Smooth shells and rough sand and drawn on seaweed. In some places, Sangjin had even put sea life stickers. Sewoong took a while to speak, a knot caught up in his throat.

  
"It's beautiful. You really took all of these." He said it as a statement, like he was cementing it for himself.

  
"That was the most meaningful thing you've done for me, and I wanted you to know how grateful I am for it. I didn't tell you what I did with your advice, did I?" Sewoong shook his head wordlessly. A smile spread across Sangjin's face. "I decided that I'm not gonna change my major, but I would add a minor. I'm getting my photography credits this semester along with finishing my accounting degree. The counselor said it should take me another year after this since I don't need to go through the freshman courses and it won't take me as long as it usually would." Sewoong gaped at him for a moment before his own excitement caught up.

  
"That's awesome!" he yelled, dropping the scrapbook on the table on his balcony and reaching across to grab Sangjin's arms. "When did you do it?"

  
"I talked to her last year around November. I'm not getting caught up in my dad's shit, but I think I could put both degrees to good use." Sewoong's grin was trying its hardest to split his face.

  
"Come over, I need to kiss you."

  
"Only the best treatment for the birthday boy."

 

Some things changed. Some things didn’t. One of the changes was that Sangjin would wake up in the morning, Sewoong curled up in his arms, and have a smile on his face right from the beginning. That was different. He would get up, run through his morning routine, and then make coffee for two. One cup would have hazelnut creamer with two teaspoons of sugar. That was different. He wouldn’t make breakfast because Sewoong was a better cook than him anyway, but he would head outside after waking up a grumbling Sewoong who complained endlessly about the early hour but got up anyway. The view wasn’t so different from Sewoong’s balcony as it was from his; just moved over to the side a little. Sangjin didn’t have a cigarette this time, so being on the balcony was different and yet the same. It was a balcony, but not his; he was on it, but without a cigarette. Sewoong came out a few minutes after him, sipping from his coffee mug in silence, which was different. They’d both promised each other to stop their own habits. They watched the sunrise in silence, Sewoong’s arm wrapped around Sangjin’s waist as he nuzzled his shoulder from where he stood behind him.

 

“Why are we up so early,” he grumbled, not unkindly. Sangjin let a content smile cross his face. The sun’s rays were turning the dark sky a baby blue. He hummed as he thought about the reason why he’d started this. Why he’d started staying over at Sewoong’s more often, why he’d learned how to make Sewoong’s coffee just right. Why they bothered to try to change their habits at all.

 

“So we can make a new routine,” he whispered as the sky turned to match the ocean. Sewoong chuckled, making Sangjin shiver from the vibration it caused.

 

“In that case, I think I can deal with it.” It’s enough for Sangjin.

 

Things are different but also the same; the only significant change is that Sangjin thinks that he might actually be fine.

**Author's Note:**

> [check out my twitter!](https://twitter.com/timelessidyll)


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